All couples fight but however successful couple do it differently. Couples who stay for long do not shy discussing the big, scary questions as soon as possible for ex what are we going to do if you get that job in another state? When are we going to have children? I don’t want to move to another city, so they don’t become bigger issues in the relationship in the later stage. When taboo topics remain unaddressed, they can turn into a big problem which could have been avoided in the first place.
Starting a different conversation softly & respectfully increase the chances of a good outcome. Conversely a harsh start up is very hard to process well, especially for men. Couples who argue taking things slow, adressing difficult conversations with a soft tone and playing it down whenever things get too emotionally charged & also value give & take: one person speaks & the other person truly listens. Couples in long-term relationships rarely get into knock-down, drag out fights because they don’t lower themselves to school-yard tactics: no matter how heated things get, there’s no name calling, eye-rolling or biting sarcasm.
When things do get out of hand, savvy argues know how to get a grip on their emotions. They value taking a time out , whether that means counting to 10, taking slow, deep breaths or simply telling their spouse to take up the issue next morning. When both partners are able to soothe themselves and take breaks, they’re usually able to reach a resolution (or agree to disagree) with more ease. It’s not that long-time couples have never said something regrettable during an argument.
They have in the past and then they learned from the mistake. Once the emotionally charged fight ends, smart couples lay down some ground rules for arguing so it never gets out of hand again it’s not about being right. It’s about getting to a common ground & resolving the problem. They may be bumping heads but couples in long time relationships try their best to see the other side of argument. They may say I know you see it differently than me, but I appreciate that you are listing to my perspective. The positive moments decrease defensiveness and allow for a more productive conversation. Couples who are able to have healthy & productive arguments don’t jump to conclusions in the middle of fights.
They calm their insecurities, listen & try to give their partner the benefit of doubt. In an argument it means assuming both partners have the same goal to have a mutually beneficial resolution. Even during their most tense arguments healthy couples never forget that they’re a team: for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Couples in satisfying relationships are able to remember that, no matter how angry they maybe, life will continue after today because of that they doesn’t want to do lasting damage. Even in a emotional state they are able to hang on to long-term value of the couple. They’re a team, protecting their future together.
